


Spiraling

by MerMagicAnaLily



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Aged Up, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of Sexual Assault, not smut, nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:08:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22612321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerMagicAnaLily/pseuds/MerMagicAnaLily
Summary: “Come on T.J.,” Kira said. “You won’t even accept me for a game of one on one?”“Nope. Go away.”“Seems like someone is having a hard day? You want to talk about it? We used to talk quite a lot.”T.J. rolled his eyes and put his basketball under his arm. “No, you talked, and when I tried to say something, you made me feel like I was wrong for being myself, and literally threw yourself on me.”“You never complained.”“Out loud…” he muttered. “If you’re not leaving, I will.” He went to the benches to grab his backpack while feeling Kira behind him.“Oh please, like you hate me that much,” she said.“Kinda do, yeah.”“If you hated me, you wouldn’t have hung out with me so much.”“You took up my time,” he finished packing his things up and put his jacket on.“Took it up?” She asked, putting her hand on his shoulder. “Or gave you the best time of your life?” He couldn’t help it, and he flinched, throwing her hand off of him.———T.J.’s been keeping something from Cyrus, and it might be affecting them more than he’d care to admit.
Relationships: Cyrus Goodman/T. J. Kippen
Comments: 6
Kudos: 138





	Spiraling

“Mhm-hey, stop stop stop,” T.J. said gently, digging his fingers lightly into Cyrus’s waist. 

“You okay?” Cyrus pulled away, worried. 

“Yeah..yeah yeah I’m fine,” he said, kissing lightly. “I’m fine. Just getting a little too heated there. But I’m fine.”

“Is...is heated a problem?” Cyrus asked. 

“No, no! No,” T.J. said, stumbling over his words. “There’s nothing wrong with things getting heated because I like you...I love you, and hopefully you feel the same about me, right?”

“One hundred percent,” Cyrus said with a small reassuring smile. 

“I just…I don’t want things getting too heated before we’re ready to let it...happen.” 

“Oh...okay,” Cyrus said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable…” 

“It’s fine, you’re fine, you’re great,” T.J. said. “I promise,” he said kissing him again. “But in a case of horrible timing, I do have to go. I have baseball practice. 

“Oh…okay,” Cyrus said, failing to keep the disappointment from his voice, making T.J. frown a little. 

“It’s fine. I’ll text you after practice, and we’re still on for the movie tomorrow night, right?”

“Right,” He said with a smile. “Have fun at practice.” 

T.J. gave him a kiss on the cheek before leaving Cyrus’s bedroom and ran out the driveway towards the high school. Cyrus watched him from the window before sighing and flopping back on his bed.

* * *

“It’s been like that every time,” Cyrus said, sitting at the mall food court between Andi and Buffy, splitting an order of pretzel bites. “We’ll be having a good time, making out, and all that, and then he just stops.”

“Okay, maybe I’m not following,” Buffy said. “What’s wrong with him stopping the make outs?”

“It’s been happening every time! We’re high schoolers! We’re supposed to be all over each other and making out in every corner and thinking that the world doesn’t matter!”

“Cyrus, there’s nothing that ‘supposed’ to happen because there are no concrete rules in regards to how relationships work.”

“Easy for you to say Buffy. Especially after the text storm you sent us after you and Marty did the deed.” 

Buffy narrowed her eyes. “The fact that I had sex with my boyfriend doesn’t mean that you need to do something equivalent with yours.”

“I do not miss this about dating,” Andi said, taking a long sip of her soda. 

“But we started dating our boys at the same time,” Cyrus said. “Shouldn’t we be on similar levels all around?” 

“Cyrus, you’re comparing things that should be compared,” Buffy said. “You and T.J. are not me and Marty, regardless of when we got together or the fact we celebrate the same damn anniversary.” 

“I just…” he sighed. “What if he doesn’t like me like that? Like he’s only putting up with me because I’m the only other gay guy he knows?”

Both Andi and Buffy stopped and looked at him. “You’re joking, right?” Andi said. “He’s been into you since Buffy introduced you two.”

“Inadvertently, might I add,” she said. “I hated him and if you recall, you two dating was my worst nightmare at the time.”

“You thought he was straight,” Cyrus deadpanned. 

“I thought you were straight for a while too. So what do I know?” Buffy said. “But what I do know is that he absolutely adores you, clings onto you more than anything, so don’t think that he doesn’t absolutely love you.”

He sighed. “I guess. Logically what you’re saying makes sense, but when he stops us before we even do anything, I just feel...blah.”

“You shouldn’t feel blah,” Buffy said. “People need to go separate paces. It happens. But if it is bugging you, maybe you should talk it out with him?”

“That’s a good idea.”

“It’s the usual Cyrus approach,” Andi said. 

“Oh my god, boys are messing with my head…”

* * *

T.J. was at the park practicing some free throws, when the last person he wanted to ever see crossed into his field of vision. “Go away.”

“Come on T.J.,” Kira said. “You won’t even accept me for a game of one on one?”

“Nope. Go away.” 

“Seems like someone is having a hard day? You want to talk about it? We used to talk quite a lot.”

T.J. rolled his eyes and put his basketball under his arm. “No, you talked, and when I tried to say something, you made me feel like I was wrong for being myself, and literally threw yourself on me.”

“You never complained.”

“Out loud…” he muttered. “If you’re not leaving, I will.” He went to the benches to grab his backpack while feeling Kira behind him. 

“Oh please, like you hate me that much,” she said. 

“Kinda do, yeah.”

“If you hated me, you wouldn’t have hung out with me so much.”

“You took up my time,” he finished packing his things up and put his jacket on. 

“Took it up?” She asked, putting her hand on his shoulder. “Or gave you the best time of your life?” He couldn’t help it, and he flinched, throwing her hand off of him. 

**********

_ “So the two of us are sitting there, right?” T.J. was saying, sitting in Kira’s bedroom bay window. “Now Cyrus is saying he’s a wimp for movies but I thought he was exaggerating. Of course the instant the alligator jumps out towards the movie screen, he literally puts his feet up on the seat of the movie thea-“ _

_ “Right, Cyrus was scared,” Kira interrupted. “Did you do anything else other than hang out with Cyrus?”  _

_ He didn’t know why at the time, but it felt like Kira punched him in the gut with those words. “I mean…other than basketball and hanging out with the guys at motocross? I guess kinda. He’s been showing me some new things to do I’ve never done around here.” _

_ “Really? Anything fun that maybe we could do?”  _

_ “I mean...there’s a cool escape room not too far.” _

_ “Ooh! We should totally go, you’re not doing anything, right?” _

_ T.J. felt uneasy, but let out a little chuckle to shake it off. “I’d love to, but I can’t. I don’t have enough money for it. I don’t get paid at the gym until next week, and I’ve been saving up for a new net for my driveway.” _

_ “Oh...okay,” she said, sounding disappointed. “Maybe we could do something else?” _

_ “Like...what?” _

_ He didn’t know what to do next, how to react when Kira leaned in and kissed him. _

**********

“Took it up,” he said. “And I regret every second.” He looked at her one last time. “Don’t talk to me again.”

* * *

“So, have you been looking at colleges?” Cyrus asked, sitting at his desk. T.J. was lying at the foot of his bed, squinting at his trigonometry book.

“A bit,” he said. “The higher education prospects of an athlete work a little differently.”

“Really?”

“I mean, the physical applications are the same, but to try and save money, I’m only applying to the schools who are scouting me, so I have a chance at the scholarship,” he squinted at the triangle on the page until he gave up and asked Cyrus to read out the tiny numbers in the corner. 

“Fourteen Degrees,” he said, watching T.J. go back to his notebook and do the rest of the math problem. “Any leads?”

“Well, there’s a school with a good program that has extra help for math, a great program for early childhood education, and the scout seems really interested in me?”

“Oh?” Cyrus said, trying to contain his disappointment. 

“And it’s also only an hour and a half from New York City…”

“Wait...really?!” Cyrus perked up and leaned closer to T.J., who laughed and leaned up to peck him on the lips. 

“Really. Now, I just have to play well for the rest of the season...and if I win championships, my spot and a full ride is pretty much guaranteed.” 

“Oh my god, I need to get more poster boards from Michaels and ACMoore,” he said. “I’m calling Andi over and we’re going to make about 200 different posters in preparation.” 

T.J. smiled and grabbed Cyrus’s rolling chair and pulled it closer to the bed. “You know, literally everyone on the team loves the posters.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said, like it was obvious. “The puns are fantastic, the enthusiasm is completely on point, and you are much better than just about any cheerleader to rile up the crowd.”

“If I was coordinated, I would have joined the team.” 

“Well, considering that you’re not means that you get to come to my practices and you don’t have your own events that would limit our time together,” T.J. said. “Though, if you did, I would have to come up with my own signs for your competitions. What do you think of ‘Cy-Radical’?”

Cyrus laughed a little and got off the chair and onto the bed. “Needs a little work. But I’d frame the poster regardless. Because I’d love it so much!” 

“Yeah? Maybe I’ll bring them for...hm…” he thought. “Think of doing any pre-law? You know you’re so good at it.”

“Shut up,” he laughed. “But I’m not sure posters of ‘Cyrus with the Good Hair and Better Arguments’ would be appreciated in a courtroom, real or fake.” 

“Yeah,” T.J. laughed. “I’d still bribe Andi with an hour to fill up her cart on Amazon with whatever she wanted to help.”

“That works?!”

“How do you think I got her to teach me how to knit you that birthday scarf of yours?” He said, gesturing at the scarf on his desk that was so long, it resembled the one the Fourth Doctor on Doctor Who wore. 

“That’s what worked? I’m doing that next time I need something from her,” he laughed, and he got up to close his book. “Well...I’m all done with my homework.”

“Yeah? I’m pretty much done with mine…”

Cyrus laid down next to T.J., looking up in his eyes, quiet for a moment before they both leaned in and their lips met. T.J. felt Cyrus’s arms go around him and he closed his eyes. He wished he could just stay like that forever...at least until- 

**********

_ “Come on, let’s make out,” Kira said, lying down on her bed while T.J. tried to read his book for English class.  _

_ “All you ever want to do is either play basketball or make out.”  _

_ “Are you seriously complaining that a pretty girl wants to make out with you?” She sat up and raised an eyebrow. “No real guy would be complaining about that…” T.J. froze up when she said that and his eyes glossed over the same page of Huckleberry Finn.  _

_ “I’m not complaining…” he said, though in his head he was. “I just...we have homework, and now that Cyrus helped me pull my grades up-“ _

_ “Do you ever talk about anyone but him?” She complained. “Cyrus this, Cyrus that…” _

_ “What do you even have against him?” _

_ “He’s Buffy’s friend, and Buffy...I don’t even want to talk about her,” she scoffed before heading over to him. “Besides. They’re not here.”  _

_ Something about the way she said that gave T.J. a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. “Right…they’re not.”  _

_ “And...we could definitely do more than make out…” _

_ “Kira-“ he swallowed the end of her name when he felt where her hand was going. “Kira, what are you doing?” _

_ “What do you think?” She said, her hand going up to his waistband, and he looked away.  _

_ “We...we shouldn’t-“ _

_ “Relax,” She said, and he stiffened up and closed his eyes when he felt her hand someplace he didn’t think it should go. “I want to do this.” _

**********

T.J. pulled away abruptly, giving Cyrus’s arm a light squeeze. 

“Teej?” 

“I’m fine! I mean...I just...I don’t want to pressure you into going too fast,” he said. “Into things you’re not ready for.”

Cyrus frowned. “Things I’m not ready for?” He sat up and took T.J.’s hand. “Maybe the two of us should talk? About what we are and aren’t ready for? I mean...this is new territory for both of us, right? I mean, neither of us have really gone to these areas before…” 

T.J. closed his face off and got up. “I have to go home and feed my cat.”

“Your cat...T.J.?”

“I’ll call you tonight,” he said, rushing down the stairs, trying to keep his breathing even. 

* * *

“That’s what he said? That he has to go feed his cat?” Buffy frowned into the phone. 

“Yup. We were kissing, and then when he pulled away again, I asked if he wanted to talk it out...and after he said he didn’t want to rush me, he got up and said he had to go feed his cat.”

Buffy frowned, listening to the words. “How did he look when he left?”

“It was like he saw a ghost.”

“Uh-huh…” she kept walking and saw T.J. headed past the park and to his house. “I’ll call you back.” 

She jogged and caught up with him easily. “T.J., we need to talk.”

“Cyrus talked to you, didn’t he?”

“Of course he did, we don’t keep anything from each other. Unlike how some people are acting right now,” she said, looking him in the eye. 

“Cyrus knows more about me than anyone else ever has,” he said honestly. 

“I believe you. But there’s something you’re keeping from him.”

He scoffed and turned away. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” she said. “And maybe it’s none of my business to know. But there is someone who needs to at least get a sparknotes version of what’s going on, and the truth. Cyrus is worried that he’s doing something to hurt you.”

“No way!” He started shaking his head. “No! He couldn’t do anything to hurt me...ever. It’s…it’s Cyrus.” 

“Yeah, but you’re running away from him?”

“I’m…” he looked behind her and saw Kira playing basketball with some other girls from their school. She didn’t seem to see him, and he shifted to he a little better hidden behind Buffy. “I’m maybe denying that I’m dealing with something.” He chuckled a little, looking at the ground after saying that. “Cyrus sure does rub off on people, doesn’t he?”

“One hundred percent. And personally, I think we’re all better off for it.”

* * *

“T.J...you’re back?” Cyrus stepped aside and let T.J. come through the front door. “How’s your cat?”

“He’s…well…probably the dumbest excuse I’ve used to date. And I regularly say that I can’t do math because I’m gay.” 

“Yeah...I didn’t want to say anything but…are you okay?” 

T.J. fiddled with this backpack strap for a bit. “Can we go upstairs? There’s some things that I clearly need to talk about.”

He nodded and led both of them up the stairs and closed the door behind them. “So…what do you need to talk about? Is it about us? Am I doing something that is-“

“Cyrus, babe, I love you, and I need you to stop spiraling,” he said taking his hands and holding them. “This is about me. About…me not being totally honest with you about what happened before we got together.” 

Cyrus nodded and sat on the bed, still holding his hands as T.J. sat next to him, trying to find the words. 

“Okay…so this is really about…well…before we started dating. I wasn’t exactly honest with you about what happened.”

**********

_ “Kira, we should stop,” T.J. said, gently prying her off of him, but she refused to budge.  _

_ “I’m good to keep going, T.J.” _

_ “This...none of this is safe. I mean, we’re young, and...and inexperienced...and…” _

_ “I stole this from my sister’s nightstand,” Kira said, holding up a square foil packet. “Come on…” _

_ “This...this doesn’t seem like a good idea.” _

_ She frowned and pushed him down on the bed. “T.J...any other guy...any other ~normal~ guy would love to have a girl ready to do this with them.” _

_ “Y-yeah...but…” _

_ “Are you saying that you don’t want to do this?” She said. “I mean...what reason would you have to not want this?” _

_ “I-uh…” _

_ “You are a normal guy, right?” She said. “That’s what everyone at school says you are…” _

_ “I...I am a normal guy…” he mumbled, not meeting her eyes.  _

_ “Then relax. You’re going to enjoy this.”  _

**********

Cyrus was quiet for a while after T.J. finished telling his story, and T.J. had trouble looking him in the eyes. 

“...Teej…”

“I’m sorry. I’ll just get up and go…I’m just...I’m sorry for lying…”

“Lying?” Cyrus stood up and grabbed T.J.’s hand again. “Teej...nothing what happened was you lying to me!”

“I just…I had sex before, and I led you to believe I didn’t…”

“T.J...that wasn’t sex the way other high school seniors have sex. That was...manipulation and coercion and...dare I say sexual assault? You have to tell someone.”

“I can’t.”

“T.J., if you’re scared about-“

“I can’t because it wasn’t sexual assault the way people think. I mean...there wasn’t any violence in the traditional sense, and it was her towards me…”

“These things aren’t one-sided,” he said. “You didn’t want to have sex, and she...she did that…which is awful and it explains why you’re afraid of things getting heated.”

“Just...don’t tell anyone.” He said quietly. “I told you so you’d know that you’re not the problem. I am...and I can barely make out with you without freaking out, so I can’t even be a proper boyfriend-“

“Look who’s spiraling now,” Cyrus gave his hand a squeeze. “T.J., I’m not your boyfriend for the kissing or anything. I’m in it because I love you. I don’t care if we’re making out or if we’re just sitting on the couch watching a bad movie and holding hands, I’m dating you because I love hanging out with you. And I need you to know that whatever happens...whatever you want to happen or not…nothing will ever happen without both of us being enthusiastic about taking those next steps. Okay?”

“Okay,” he looked back up with a small smile. “You mind if I take up your offer of cuddling with cheesy movies?”

“Please, be my guest.” T.J. wiped his eyes before hugging him tightly. 

“You really are the best thing to ever happen to me Cyrus.”

**Author's Note:**

> If I made you cry, I dare you to leave a comment with at least one word in it!


End file.
